Perhaps, you came from a family where abusive ways of communicating were so common that, over time, your family members became numb to the sarcasm, belittling, shaming and name-calling. This includes all the, “You should do this, or you shouldn’t do that”. You may have developed a hard shell and even joined in this ugliness as a way to protect yourself. You may not even be aware you brought this pattern into your adult life and are doing it now.

Whether it’s conscious or unconscious, it’s an inappropriate way to try to control others. Underneath it all, the one who does this is coming from fear. They see themselves as so small and weak they have to bring others down to their level to feel a sense of power. We see this in intimate relationships, families, businesses, communities and between nations.

I have been hearing about a new technique of communicating called “Nonviolent Communication”. I’m so glad to hear that more and more people are realizing the importance of communicating through love. Nonviolent Communication aims to create a quality of connection among people through a set of understandings and suggestions about how to express and listen to oneself and others more compassionately and clearly.

There's a large network growing across the planet of active teachers and practitioners. Other terms for it include Compassionate Communication, Giraffe Language, and Open-Hearted Communication. Nonviolent Communication is also the title of a book by Marshall Rosenberg, who (with others) developed this practice and theory. The book has an official website; also see BookShelved:NonviolentCommunication . Other books include BookShelved ontBeNiceBeReal and BookShelved:ConnectingAcrossDifferences .

Love, Maren